


The Easy Choice

by pinkpineapples



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Peter Parker, Michelle Jones Needs a Hug, Parent Pepper Potts, Pepper Potts Feels, Protective Pepper Potts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 16:27:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20549177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkpineapples/pseuds/pinkpineapples
Summary: Spider-man is hurt. Again.Maybe she's projecting but Pepper Potts wants to make sure Michelle Jones understands what she's signed up for when she began a relationship with Peter Parker.Michelle has probably inappropriate questions that you shouldn't ask a widow but Pepper Potts is the only person in the world who might understand the fear that is making her relationship with Peter Parker a daily struggle.endgame compliant.





	The Easy Choice

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! First post! Endgame compliant but not really aiming to fit in anywhere in particular. Just some feels! Enjoy.

This was the third time this month that Pepper had been alerted by Happy Hogan that Peter Parker had landed himself in the medical wing of the newly renovated and re-opened Stark Tower. But tonight was the first time this month that Pepper, upon walking into the room, had struggled to breath, anxiety ripping through her chest when she caught sight of the young man who lay covered in gauze and unconscious on the single hospital bed. 

Helen reassured Pepper that Peter’s blood had been replenished and the healing factor was doing its job, but Pepper could tell by Happy’s ashen face that it hadn’t been as simple as all that.

Tentatively, she passed a hand over Peter’s feverish forehead. Tony had told her a long time ago that Peter ran hot while his healing kicked into overdrive but Pepper had never seen it in person.

Peter didn’t look peaceful, exactly, his brow was scrunched as if his entire being was concentrated on mending the hole in his abdomen. But the rise of his chest was slow and steady and Pepper spared herself a few moments to match her breath with his. Calmed, she brushed back a few errant curls and leaned down to press a quick kiss to Peter’s temple.

“Rest up,” she told him quietly and was gratified to see Peter relax slightly as she leaned back.

He would be fine. Someone else needed her attention right now and Happy was hovering nearby clearly waiting to swoop in and do his mothering after Pepper had done hers.

“May?” she asked him.

“I’m expecting her to arrive in an hour or two,” Happy said.

“Have FRIDAY call me when she arrives.”

“Sure thing, boss.” 

The first few times Happy called her boss it was like a whip sting to her heart. But now it settled, gentle and well worn.

With a nod of thanks to Helen, Pepper left the room to collect the young woman she had noticed slumped in one of the chairs in the hall.

Hunched over as she was, head on her knees and her hair spilling down her shoulders, Pepper could barely see anything but Michelle’s hands, tacky with blood, held in the air with fingers spread out and stiff as if afraid to touch anything. 

Gently Pepper crouched at her side.

“Peter’s going to be fine,” she said.

“I know that,” Michelle replied instantly. She lifted her chin in a show of strength, though Pepper could see the fine tremble of exhaustion in it. The young woman clenched her hands together reflexively as she straightened in her seat and both of them grimaced at the tacky squelch. Michelle stared down at her hands with dawning horror.

“Come on,” Pepper said, trying for a distraction. “Time for a shower and then you can borrow some clothes. Have you called your family? Can I call someone to come get you?”

“I’m staying.” Michelle said, eyes snapping away from her hands to meet Pepper’s with a challenge, jaw clenched with determination. Pepper merely nodded.

“Of course, no problem.”

Deflating at the instant agreement, left without the fight she was clearly aching for and half in a daze of exhaustion, Michelle finally allowed Pepper to take her elbow and guide her to her feet. She wobbled on the first step but rallied with sheer force of will. 

They walked in silence until they reached the spare bathroom and suddenly Michelle seemed to come to herself, the unfamiliar space seemingly bringing her back to a place where civilities mattered.

“I’m so sorry, Mrs Stark, us barging in like this.” She glanced at her watch and her eyes widen. “Its nearly 2 am, you’re probably exhausted. I’m fine, you can go to sleep, I’ll just shower and head to sleep for a bit before I leave in the morning. And God, did we wake Morgan? I’m so sorry, is she ok? Did she see anything?”

“Michelle,” Pepper interrupted, “Morgan is fine. Sleeping peacefully and FRIDAY is keeping an eye on her.” She pushed Michelle towards the bathroom. “Shower, change, and then come to the kitchen. I’ll get some tea ready.”

“Oh no, Mrs Stark, it’s ok, you can go -”

“Michelle,” Pepper said sternly, “Shower, then tea. We need to talk.”

Michelle swallowed tightly before nodding her agreement with reluctance. 

“Yes, Ma'am. Shower. Tea. Talk.” 

….…….

They were perched on the kitchen stools, tea in hand, a mere ten minutes later. Pepper took a moment to discreetly look Michelle over. There were bags under her eyes. Her finger nails were short and bitten to the quick (though now scrubbed clean) and a fine tremor still ran through her hands even as they wrapped tightly around the mug. 

Though she herself had been the one to demand a talk, Pepper kept quiet and waited. She watched as the tremors subsided, to be replaced by an angry sort of restlessness that grew with every passing moment. Just when Pepper thought Michelle would retreat behind her manners once more and thank her for the tea and head to bed, she rallied with a deep breath, sat up straight and lifted her eyes to meet Pepper’s unflinchingly.

“Was it worth it?”

And while Pepper had expected the question, understood the vagueness and didn’t need to clarify what _it_ was, the words still felt like a punch in the solar plexus with the same ability to rob her of breath. She had long ago thought that she had cried all of her tears over Tony. But there were instances, like now, that they came back with a sudden force that overwhelmed her in their intensity and left her defenses shattered. 

Slowly, she took a sip of tea and swallowed the tidal wave that threatened to send her to her knees. Normally, when this happened with company, Pepper would divert their attention, would cover her distress with a joke, would leave the room, would hide the struggle from those around her. But tonight, she let Michelle see it. 

After a few moments, Pepper managed to gain the upper hand and gently cleared her throat. She tried to give the question the gravitas that it deserved even though she already knew the answer.

“Yes,” she said, her voice quiet but steady, “it was worth it.”

And, yes, yes a thousand times, marrying Tony, loving Tony, having a child with Tony only to have him stolen away from her too soon was worth it. It was worth the now lonely nights where she lay staring at his pillow. It was worth the questions from a curious and sad four year old who constantly wondered where her Daddy was. It was worth the anxiety stress back in the day over his frequent injuries. It was worth it even when she had come into the knowledge and understanding that he would more than likely die before she herself did. It was worth the guilt she sometimes fought which insisted it was her own fault that her daughter was being raised fatherless. Because deep down she had known, hadn’t she, and she _had loved him anyway_.

To Pepper it was worth it, but she was not Michelle. So, she hesitated. And sharp-eyed Michelle caught the flinch instantly.

“Tell me.” She said, determined.

And though Pepper didn’t want to be responsible for pushing Michelle away, for depriving Peter of his first love, she also knew she had a responsibility to this young woman who had her own choice to make.

“For myself, I can say, of course, yes, it was worth it. I would do it all over again, even to - to have him taken from us - once more.” Pepper said. “But that was _my_ choice.” She took a sip of tea, ordering her thoughts. “What I want you to understand is that you are not me, Peter is not Tony and you are not expected to make the same decision that I did. You get to make your own decision. Whatever that is.” 

The words lay heavy in the silence between them and Pepper thought for a second that Michelle would tear up. But instead there was nothing but a tiny hitch in her breath before, suddenly, as if finally unlocked, the words all poured out.

“I was never meant to be this girl.” Michelle said, staring with determination at the mug in her hands, “I never wanted to spend hours worried about a stupid boy.” 

She lifted a hand to fix the hair that had fallen into her face, steadily avoiding Pepper’s gaze.

“We’ve got finals coming up. We’re meant to be studying. College applications are due soon. Decathlon needs an overhaul.” Michelle let out a small, wretched laugh. “It’s selfish, or whatever, but how am I meant to do any of that when I’m so … I have so much _stuff_ I should be doing but I’m just …URGH!” 

A sob finally ripped its way out and Michelle practically stuffed her fist in her mouth to cover it, shoulders hunched underneath the perceived burden of shame. 

“Michelle -”

“The stupidest thing is:” Michelle interrupted, voice tight with held-back tears and misdirected fury. “He’s already gone and made me fall in - _for_ him. And GOD! I’m so MAD about it!”

The sudden outburst startled a laugh from Pepper before she could stop it. The giggle shocked Michelle, who looked up at her a little guiltily but still with that defiant tilt to her chin which set Pepper off once more and finally Michelle’s frown broke and she smiled begrudgingly.

“I sound so idiotic right now, don’t I?”

“No! No, I …uh …” Pepper denied. “I understand.”

Michelle scoffed.

“I do! Let me- listen, when I… started at Stark Industries, I wasn’t going to stay there for more than a year. It was a bridging job, good money and an excellent way to make contacts that I could utilize in the future.” 

Michelle looked so relieved that she was no longer the centre of attention that Pepper had to hide a smile behind a sip of tea.

“I didn’t believe in the company’s core beliefs, I _hated_ their mission statement, but by God I was good at my job. I was smashing the glass ceiling and this was merely my first step.”

“What happened to keep you here?” Michelle asked.

“Afghanistan happened.” Pepper said. “Iron Man happened.”

She took a deep breath, smile creeping higher, the butterflies igniting with her most beloved memories. 

“And suddenly I couldn’t keep pretending that I wasn’t in love with my stupidily intelligent, annoyingly charming, amazingly good looking, secretly kind and all kinds of mixed up boss and I was not happy with myself at all. He was my _boss_ how cliche could I be? Not to mention it messed up all my plans!” 

“Preach!” Michelle giggled as Pepper gestured wildly, trying to convey her years old objection to the indignity of it all.

“See! I get it! Tony - he suddenly fit so perfectly into my - very busy, entirely planned, going along swimmingly thanks to all of my preparedness - life that I couldn’t imagine it _without_ him - ” Pepper’s voice gave out, the emotional scale tipping so viciously and without warning that the damn nearly burst but she struggled on, “And that _terrified_ me.” 

And _oh._

Michelle froze like a deer in headlights. Exposed. Laid bare. Reeling from the hit. 

“I loved Tony.” Pepper told her. “But battling that fear was - was constantly difficult. Sometimes I… I got tired of fighting it, of living with it constantly on my mind. So, in the early days of our relationship, I left him. Several times.”

There was a pause and then Michelle scooted a little closer and tentatively reached out to touch Pepper’s hand. Pepper grasped her fingers in a tight grip, welcoming the gesture, allowing it to ground her through the waves of grief.

“But you came back.” Michelle finally said, her voice quiet.

“Every time.” Pepper agreed before she forced a smile. “He would have killed the company without me. I couldn’t let him, not after all my hard work.”

The joke fell flat. Michelle gazed at the counter top, biting her lip. 

“What if I....make the wrong choice?” she asked cautiously.

“Michelle, there is no _wrong_ choice. Just_ your _choice.”

“But how do I make an _informed_ choice when I feel like …_this?_”

Finally a true smile burst on Pepper’s face. Oh the drama of it all.

“Well, it probably goes without saying that I love lists. Pros and Cons are very helpful I’ve found.” She laughed gently as Michelle huffed her displeasure at the answer. “Experiments? You’re a girl of science aren’t you?”

“I prefer the arts.” 

“Draw it out? Sketch the scenarios? Write a poem?”

“Peter wrote me a poem.” Michelle said, her nose scrunched adorably.

“He did, did he? About what?”

“It was more of a song I think, I wasn’t meant to find it.”

“Ooh a secret lyricist, go on, tell me a line.” Pepper begged. God Tony would have_ loved_ this.

Michelle shook her head and chose not to reply, but her eyes were alight with glee, a smirk hiding at the corners of her mouth. Pepper squeezed her hand. Decided to help her out a little more.

“Loving Iron Man is the most difficult, heart wrenching, life upending, brutal thing I could have ever put myself through.”

Michelle’s smile disappeared, her eyes sad once more.

“But loving Tony? It was effortless. And in the end, that was how I chose.”

There was a long silence during which they did nothing but hold hands in solidarity as Pepper let Michelle think it over. Finally Michelle looked up and asked the question Pepper knew she had wanted to ask since the beginning of the conversation.

“What’s it like …without Tony?” 

“It hurts” Pepper told her, truthfully. “It hurt then, it hurts now and I fully expect it to always hurt.”

“I don’t know if I’m strong enough - for that.”

Pepper remained silent. That was something Michelle would have to determine for herself. Gently, she disengaged her hand and set about cleaning up their half empty, now cold mugs.

“Does it help that he saved the world?” Michelle asked.

“No,” said Pepper as she closed the dishwasher. “And I_ know_ that sounds stupid.”

“I don’t think it does” Michelle replied firmly.

Pepper turned around and met Michelle’s honest gaze. This young woman might be close to the only person who could possibly come close to understanding Pepper’s reasoning so she contemplated her answer for a moment, thought back to those first days after it happened when all she really felt was anger at the injustice of it all, probed a little deeper into what peace she had found now.

“What helps is that I know him,” she said finally, her eyes caught his favourite mug on the shelf, his brand of coffee on the bench, the power bars she hated but he loved mixed with her bananas in the fruit bowl. “Down to every tick, every nuance, every thought in his weird, crazy, amazing brain. I know him so well that I understand his decision. I might not like it. But I understand it. _That’s_ what helps.”

Pepper paused a moment, the late hour hitting her, and corrected herself. “Knew. I knew him.” 

Michelle didn’t reply but she managed a tiny nod of acknowledgement. Satisfied that she had done her best for both Michelle and Peter for one night, Pepper took her cue to exit. She paused on her way past Michelle and gently placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder.

“You know, you two could come by more often, not just when Peter’s in need of medical assistance. Morgan misses her big brother, so tell him to stop avoiding us, please.” 

“Peter’s -”

“Got a superhero guilt complex a mile wide?” Pepper shrugged, “So did Tony.”

“Yeah.” Michelle rolled her eyes and they shared a smile.

“Sunday dinner?” Pepper offered. 

“I’ll tell him,” Michelle said.

“We’ll see both of you?”

Michelle hesitated the briefest of moments as she thought it through. Then she raised her head and nodded firmly.

“Sunday Dinner.” She confirmed. “We’ll be there.”


End file.
